MEETING MARY--- One of the first school activities I attended at Argonia High School shortly after returning from India was a music concert. One of the songs they sang was Today. Our IFYE group had sang Today so many, many times when we had been together in India as a group. Of all the songs we sang we harmonized best on it. Thoughts & memories of India flooded my mind. As I listened to them sing I got emotionally weak, goose bumps, teary eyed & as they sang Today I found myself mesmerized watching Mary sing. I thought this is not good & I tried to watch others singing several times but I always found myself going back & watching Mary. [I will point out now that a 10-12 year age difference between husband & wife was very normal in India.] I found myself starting to talk to Mary & her friend Carol Callaway from Milton at basketball games. At first I talked to Carol because she was from Milton & because my family ties with Milton, but it was only because that made me close to Mary. I talked to Carol but I mostly looked at Mary. A SKATING PARTY--My mind does not always remember everything in the proper sequence any more. But somewhere along the line I attended a 4-H roller skating party with my family. Mary was in attendance. I found myself skating with her when opportunity arose during a couples skate. Trying not to make it to obvious, but it probably was anyway. As I skated & talked to her I thought, if I was only 10 years younger, I could get seriously interested in this girl. As I talked to her over time she surprised me often. I often found myself thinking, this girl is more mature than a lot of the girls I know that are much nearer my age.
WHEAT HARVEST---The summer after Mary's dad was gone Mary's mom who was teaching 6th grade ask Uncle Loren to come cut their wheat. Uncle Loren was the Grade School Janitor & also farmed & so that's probably promted Mary's mom to ask him to harvest the wheat. Mary & her mother were living in Argonia although they still had the farm at Mayfield. Uncle Loren ask Dad & I to come help him cut wheat, so there were 3 combines, driven by Uncle Loren, dad, & Myself. Mary would come to the fields & ride the combine with one of us. I don’t remember how often she came to my combine, but we would talk as we made rounds around the wheat field. This was before we ever dated & once after we’d quit cutting, she rode with me to the elevator to take the last load of wheat to be dumped at the elevator. We talked & she laughed & it was a good feeling to be with her. I had a really special feeling with her being in the truck cab, a feeling I’d never had on any date with a girl before. Also a feeling it would be the only time we were ever in a vehicle together. I had that 'last time' feeling a lot before we started dating seriously or steadily, that every time we did something it would be the first and last time.
TALK, TALK, TALK--- As I talked to Carol I began to get to know Mary. At that time I was somewhat dating a girl that grew up at Conway Springs. I had bought two tickets to the Ice Capades when the girl from Conway thought we should take a break in dating. I’d had a really weird dream about her several days before. We were at a park somewhere. She was sitting on a stone fence & I was going to take her picture. Photography was my big hobby then. I was focusing the Camera when she disappeared & the Devil [red suit, horns, tail] appeared in her place. I felt him staring at me through the camera lens. I sensed that if I didn't break the stare I was going to be in big trouble. It was a big struggle, I tried to break the eye contact but couldn’t seem to, there was a feeling of panic, finally I broke the stare, when I looked back the devil was gone & the girl was back. I woke up from the dream sweating. When she suggested taking a break from dating a few days later I was quick to agree. We never had a date again. Not long after that, I spoke with Mary at the beginning of a basketball game & mentioned having two tickets to the Ice Capades but no one to go with me. She said she’d love to see Ice Capades, & that she never had. I thought about this all during the game & after the game, with much trumped up courage, I ask her. “If I ask you to go to the Ice Capades with me would you go”, she said, “Yes”. I’d been thinking much about her, & that 10-12 years age difference was nothing between couples in India, but 13 yrs. difference in the U.S. would be unusual. The next week’s ballgame was in Garden Plain. All week it went through mind, if I ask Mary, she would go to the Ice Capades. So I gave myself a big pep talk every day & on Friday night I drove to Garden Plain, made sure I talked to Mary & ask, "Will you go to the Ice Capades with me.” Her reply was, “I told you yes last week.” My question had been. “IF, I ASK, Would you go,” She had obviously heard, “WILL YOU GO....” I often wondered what would have happened if I hadn't gone to Garden Plain & she had gotten ready to go to the Ice Capades & I hadn't shown up.
ICE CAPEDES--- We went to the Ice Capdes & I bought her a delicate ice skaters necklace, partly for a selfish reason. I figured this would be our one & only date, I really wanted to buy her something, plus I thought when she was old & married to someone else, maybe once in a while she would remember me as the first guy to buy her jewelry. Boy was I ever wrong about that! When I took her home I tried to tell her I didn't think I would ask her out again. She didn't understand at all. But I knew deep inside if I ever dated her again I would never want to stop and the age difference still loomed big in my mind. We went to the Ice Capades on Dec. 3rd., 1972.
I saw her often at ballgames. On away games after I was done milking I would go sit in the High School parking lot and wait for the Pep Bus to return. Mary would start to walk home and I would offer to drive her home. She always said she could walk but she always let me take her home. This happened over football & basketball season, I think. I often wondered why she never started looking for me in the parking lot, but I always stopped & offered her a ride before she had gone a block or two & she always accepted.
[Flashback, I think] A Spring memory is of the Argonaires singing a Special at the Friends church. Mary visited with me after church & invited me to come help her pick Strawberries in their garden. I went home had lunch & went to Mary’s. She was still wearing the short, light Spring Dress she had worn to Church. I helped her, but my attention was definitely not on the strawberries.
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| In our early days if dating I took Mary to Lawrence to visit her sister Helen |
One summer afternoon, a Saturday probably, I’d come to town, in my black S.S. Chevy Super Sport, the car I had while Mary & I dated, & the only sporty car I ever owned. I’d come to get ice at a grocery store by the bank to make homemade ice cream for a Paxson get-together at my folks. I’d got 3 bags of ice & put them on the floor in the back. Mary came by, maybe she’d been to the Post Office or Bank, & we talked for quite awhile. Naturally I was so smitten I forgot all about the ice until I got home, all 3 bags were about one bag of ice. The rest was a puddle on the back floor of my car. There was just enough to freeze ice cream. I told Mary about the melted ice the next time I saw her & she really laughed, it is a memory that makes us both smile & laugh still today.
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| Senji, Tamil Nadu-the village I showed so many picture of during my talks. |
I will always remember speaking at the South Haven School one afternoon. They had the whole school system in the gym. Afterwards a grade school teacher approached me and ask, "May I ask how much the school paid to have you speak?'' I said, ''Nothing, our exchange was sponsored by businesses, so Ks. State 4-H officials kind of expect us to give talks as a way of repaying & making people aware of the 4-H IFYE program, beside I love doing it. '' She said, ''I heard you had spoken for free but I couldn't believe it''. She went on to say, ''I've taught here for 6 years and I have known the school to pay people who had been to countries abroad to come and speak or had speakers give lyceums & paid them $600. None of them have ever held a candle to the presentation you just gave!'' I tried to humbly thank her for the compliment.
I stopped field work on the nights I had talks, would put on India clothes & go give my talk. One night I stopped at a fast food place in Wellington on the way home, I hadn't had time to eat before hand. I was wearing my Gandhi shirt, which was light & airy, & my Doti which is not much more than a big tea towel wrapped around the waist, but it was at ankle length. While waiting for my food I noticed 3 girls, maybe Jrs., Srs. in high school, sitting at a booth whispering & giggling, it dawned on me that they were probably snickering & talking about my clothing. Now Indian men had a way of grabbing the Doti at about the knee, with two fingers, flipping it up quickly & wrapping it around their waist, making it about knee high and even cooler. I never got as quick as them, I had to lift my foot a little to make the flip. So as I was waiting for my food I started thinking. “OK, girls, if you think this is funny wait till you see this!” When my food came I flipped my Doti up, wrapped it around my waist so that it was knee length, picked up my hamburger sack & walked out. I so wanted to look back & see the expression on the girl’s faces but I didn't.
My favorite clothing was the common Tamil way of dressing, pictured below or with the doti & a kinda tea towel cloth folded length ways & draped over the shoulder that came down to about the elbow, front and back, white also.
Mary started going with me to give talks after we had been dating for some time & I would have her put a Sari over her blouse & skirt or slacks. Later, I would have her wear the Wedding Sari pictured at the left. At one or the first talks she went with me, She was wearing slacks & what I thought was a blouse & vest, I thought it would be better without the vest. I made a comment to that effect & started to unbutton what I thought was the vest. She quite calmly ask, “Larry, what are you doing?” My reply was, "I'm taking off the vest, I think it will look better without it.” “It is all one piece”, she calmly replied, at which point I started trying to quickly rebutton buttons, no raised voice, no sound of alarm, no grabbing my hands that were unbuttoning buttons. I remember being impressed with her calmness. Here I am about to take off some her clothes in a public place & she is a picture of calmness. As time went on I began to have her wear the complete Indian set. bangles, ankle bracelets, toe ring, a finger ring connected to a mesh covering the top of the hand in a triangular shape, to a mesh bracelet at the wrist,. Another hazy memory is at what time I had a lady from India in Wichita make a blouse out of the Wedding Sari material, so that the Blouse would have the appearance of being made in India. Mary began to wear all the clothing I had brought home for my future “wife''. Blouse, Sari & jewelry. The piece of jewelry people found the most intriguing was the Toe Ring. Actually the toe ring was prominent only in Tamil Nadu and a sign of marriage. It & the red Saffron dot on the forehead were common signs a woman was married, other colored dot were just a part of cosmetics. At a talk I would quickly explain each item of her dress & mine & then give a slide show talk. One time I was answering questions after I had finished a talk & I noticed several people gathered around Mary & Mary was answering questions & I thought, “What is she doing answering questions, she has never been to India.” but as I listened to a few people ask her a question & I heard her response, I realized it was the very same answer I would have given. So after that I just let her answer questions. Most of the answers she had probably heard me give time & time again. Once I heard her say, “Larry, could answer that question best.” From then on I trusted her to answer questions or to refer them to me if she wasn't sure what my response would have been. Sometimes after everything was over I’d smile & wonder how many people thought Mary had been to India too.
WALK FOR MANKIND—Not long after I returned from India I learned of a “Walk For Mankind”. I don’t remember the details anymore. If I got sponsors to pay for the miles I walked or if I paid an entry fee. The money went to a World Wide Aide program. Anyway, there is a country road that runs from the east side of Harper, Ks. to the east side of Anthony, Ks. through some hilly pasture land. Which made it a scenic walk. Groups started from Anthony & Harper, people could walk at any time of day so you were meeting people all during the walk. I stared at Harper & was walking south. I was possibly half way to Anthony, when I noticed in a distance what looked like a man wearing a Turban. As they got a little closer I noticed the end of a Sari being blown by the breeze, it was obviously a Couple from India. I had worn my India Clothing. I am sure they were quite as surprised as I to see someone coming down the road wearing India clothes. When we met we stopped and talked. They were from Wichita, I don’t remember if he was a College professor, Engineer or maybe Doctor. They’d been in the U.S. around 12 years. I visited with them & talked about my trip to India. Later I thought of the hundreds of people, between 200 & 300 people made the walk, that we had to be the only 3 people dressed in other than U.S. Clothing & we walked at a time when we would meet on a road.
LIFE IS A BLUR--Once talking to a group of ladies at Yearly Meeting I told the story of Mary & I and made the comment, ‘’After the New Years date that it was all down hill!’’. They all laughed heartily. The phrase ‘all down hill’, as you may know is a old term for things not going to well. What I was thinking was that if you are riding some thing downhill it just gets faster & faster. I said, “Let me rephrase that, after that we were bound for the Alter”. Not that we knew it at the time but that's the way it turned out. We saw each other daily, I’m sure. I would go see her, after school, at a ballgame. or stop by her house. A few times she would come out to the dairy farm asking me to support a fundraiser at school. We used anything we could think of to see each other.
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